Diary of a Charlatan

Steady with the rythm of my beating heart, I take each breath that keeps it beating………….. and beating…..

So useless, all of this struggle….. this is a battle it seems I can’t quit.

The Aftermath

I crawl, as i fail, to do the one thing that’ll set me free….

The Coward......

The first drops of blood fall in front of me …. Little by little the puddle starts to form.

My right wrist patiently waiting for a sweet kiss from this blade, all too eager to bring forth color into this dire wasteland…

The crimson blood falling holding such a contrast to the dull grays that have formed all around me. The moon bright and full, just as the night i lost you… 

Lost no more though Love….I finally know where you are. I’ve found you…..

Tonight I’ll finally be with you….

Drifting on a memory...

 Our house lies in ruins… nothing left but ash and coal… only one wall stands defiantly through the wreckage, the window unbroken….  

The rain threatening to extinguish the last few embers still burning. i know they won’t last long. 

The downpour is too heavy for me to wait out here any longer.  Our home destroyed, i no longer know where to find shelter….. 

My feet lead me away from here for the last time… 

The Darkness....

And so the night wears on…. leaving me ever so blind. If even the sun can’t shine through these clouds what hope does the moon and her companions up above. desperation setting in… My days becoming more difficult to bear…. the nights even worse. The only thing i hold on to is this tattered photograph of us. one day even that will fade. what will i do then? 

All i keep seeing is your face in her reflection… 

Will this dream end? Or am i even alive….

Can I even call this living if it’s not with you?

Loneliness is taking on a whole new meaning. now even the stars have abandoned me…. 

Make your move...

Today I woke up covered in sand. The winds have been relentless and their fury only surpassed by the heat that threatens to suffocate me. More and more this wreckage is being transformed into a mere desert. The earth trying desperately to erase the horrors that have occurred here….

This was my mistake…..

How….. How did we end up here?

I scrub my skin raw… Anything to leave this wretched stench behind. Regret sinks in the second I place the money on the nightstand. I know that you are keeping our bed warm till I return.

At my darkest, I have seen the light. I’ll turn over a new leaf, this I swear…..

Tulips

Miserable, I sit, stunned by the dreams that cloud my mind…..

That night… When I truly felt alive…
The trail of tulips I left leading you to me… The knot in my chest growing as you walked up the stairs.. Making sure the ring was where I left it.. My heart beating knowing full well that tomorrow
Might never come….

But tomorrow did come… And your love kept me alive… I found hope…

Today… The wreckage has torn that hope from my body… If my heart still beats, well …I don’t feel it…… Today„„ I’ll let the numbness swallow me whole…..

Now all I can do is sit here in this wasteland…………

You're Lying ... But I Don't Mind Tonight

Our bodies drenched in sweat…

Your nails dig deep into my back…..

A soft moan escapes your lips…

And another… And another…

Until they start to synchopate with my thrusting…

My hands glide over soft, Wet Skin..

I don’t know where my body ends and yours begins…

At this point we are one and the same….

Your moans begin a crescendo…

The louder they get, the deeper they pull me into you…..

I wake to the smell of cheap liquor and stale cigarette smoke….

You see the money on the dresser next to you…

You turn and whisper……

“my dear will you stay today?” ….